What does a matchmaker actually do?

What does a matchmaker actually do?

A matchmaker does not pick dates for you from a stack of profiles. A matchmaker gets to know you, works out what fits you and then approaches people from their own pool. That is the difference with a dating app: on an app you decide who to respond to, with a matchmaker someone else decides who is put in front of you.

In the Netherlands the offer is small but growing. There are agencies working with their own pool of candidates and an intake interview, and there are more expensive agencies aimed at a specific group. Match-Hunters describes itself as a Dutch agency for personal matchmaking and relationship brokerage for singles aged 25 to 75. High Quality Matching targets successful singles and quotes a starting price of ten thousand euros including VAT for a personal matchmaking programme.

What a programme looks like

The intake

A programme almost always starts with an intake interview. At Alles is Liefde that basic conversation takes about ninety minutes and happens by video call, while the more expensive programme takes place at the candidate's home. The conversation is not only about age and looks, but mainly about how someone lives and what they find important in a relationship. Researchers at the Open University describe the same: candidates explain what matters to them in life and in a relationship, and on that basis the matchmaker puts a proposal together.

A good intake therefore does not feel like a job interview, but like a conversation with someone who genuinely wants to understand where you come from. It is also the moment when you notice whether an agency suits you: anyone who only works through your list of requirements will never really know you later either.

The search

The matchmaker then searches their own pool or, at some agencies, beyond it. That can take weeks. A good agency says honestly how long it usually takes before a first introduction follows, and what happens if nothing suitable turns up.

Always ask before you pay: how large is the pool in your own age group and region, and how many proposals do you get within which period. An agency without a concrete answer makes it impossible to tell later whether you are getting value for money.

The introduction

When there is a match you usually receive a proposal with a short description and a photo. Only when both sides agree are contact details exchanged or a date arranged. After that it is an ordinary date, without supervision. Only then do you find out whether the matchmaker's judgement was right, and that is exactly what you pay for: the pre-selection is done, the meeting is simply real.

What it costs and why

Matchmaking is expensive, and that is not a marketing line but a structural fact: someone spends hours on a selection for one person. In the exclusive segment a programme starts around ten thousand euros. Smaller agencies offer entry programmes for less, but there too you almost always pay up front for a number of proposals or a period.

Check what is included. Is the intake part of it, how many proposals do you get, how long does the programme run and what happens if three proposals lead nowhere? An agency that will not answer that clearly is selling a feeling rather than a service.

What not to believe

Agencies sometimes quote success rates of eighty per cent or higher. Those are the provider's own figures, not the outcome of independent research, and they usually say nothing about how often an introduction leads to a relationship. Anyone considering a matchmaker is better off asking how many candidates are in the pool in their own age group and region, and how many introductions an average client gets per programme.

Who it suits and who it does not

It works for people with little time, a clear idea of what they want and the budget to pay for it. It works less well for anyone who mainly wants to discover who is available, or who keeps finding it unpleasant to be paired up by someone else: for them the price outweighs what they get back.

There is also a middle route: meet first, choose later. At an Adam & Eve singles event you spend one evening at a table with a small group and immediately see how someone talks, listens and laughs. How such an evening works is explained on our site.

Frequently asked questions about matchmaking

What does a matchmaker cost in the Netherlands?

Prices vary widely. High Quality Matching quotes a starting price of ten thousand euros including VAT for a personal programme, while smaller agencies run entry programmes for less. Always compare what is included: the intake, the number of proposals and the duration.

Is a matchmaker the same as a dating app?

No. On an app you choose from profiles and decide who to respond to. A matchmaker first gets to know you in an intake interview and then searches their own pool for people who fit you. You get less choice, but you do get a pre-selection with an explanation.

How many introductions do I get per programme?

That differs per agency and per programme. Ask before you pay, together with the question of what happens if no suitable proposal turns up. An agency without a concrete answer is in itself a reason to keep asking.

Are agencies' success figures reliable?

Those figures come from the agencies themselves and are not independent research. They usually only say something about satisfied clients, not about how many relationships come out of it. Ask your own control questions: how large is the pool in my age group and region, and how many introductions does an average client get?

Can I combine a matchmaker with other ways of dating?

Yes, many people do. A programme often runs for months and in between you can simply go out on your own, for example to a singles night. As long as you are honest about what you are looking for, the routes complement each other.

Adam & Eve singles events

Adam & Eve runs singles events in Amsterdam, where we host editions most often, and elsewhere in the Netherlands: from a drink to a dinner and from a beach edition to a gallery night. Upcoming editions are in the calendar.

Singles only dinner & party

See the upcoming editions

Every edition follows the same shape. A welcome drink, a dinner where you switch tables between courses, then the party. In Amsterdam, The Hague and Utrecht, all year round.

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